shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
