I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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