i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
