i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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