this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
