How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
