no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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