Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
