is wine microwaveable?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
