The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
