He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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