I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
