At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
