my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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