Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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