I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
