okay pat passed out under dana's car
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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