soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
