Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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