one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
