DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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