oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
