Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
