There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
