I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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