LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
