what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
