I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
