I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
