My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
