I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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