Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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