A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
