Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
