Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
