Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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