I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
