My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
