hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will pee on everything he values.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
