"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
