my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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