if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
