oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
soo... how was my night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
