so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want a musical about memes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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