you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize