Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
