My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
