i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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