my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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