my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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